The beginning to the end

One day while I was busy making homemade bread, I wondered just how many women in today's day and age actually could do it. My next thought was how would they survive the zombie apocalypse? I zoned out at that question and really pictured what it would be like. Here are my thoughts on our modern day post-apocalyptic world.

First thing to address is this: Women as a whole have fought and struggled to have equal rights, but during the zombie apocalypse all our hard work will be thrown out the window. As soon as our streets are filled with drooling, flesh eating, mindless bodies we will revert back to early 18th century quicker than we could protest it. Now I know some of you are saying there is no way that you would let this happen. I wish I could believe with your same conviction.  I understand that there are exceptions to every rule but let me put this in perspective.

After the government attempts to control the ravenous carnivores, we will be strongly urged to stay indoors. Martial law will be in effect and every non-infected person will try to huddle in their homes until the authorities eradicat the problem. As we know in a zombie apocalypse they will fail and the world will be overrun by moaning monsters. So let me ask you these questions: who is going to get the food and where will you get it?

Women, by nature, like to feel taken care of. Men like to protect the people that they love. So,  as the kitchen runs out of food after a few days, the household is starving. If you have children in your home, the need to restock the kitchen will happen earlier. Our protective men will respond to the dwindling supply of food with this: “Stay here.” cocks the gun, “I will be back with some food.” The men run off to places unknown and the women stay at the boarded up house waiting for them to return.

This is the start to the end of our equal-minded outlook in the 21st century. But fear not, we will still be more useful than we will ever get credit for. Whilst the men are out “bringing home the bacon” literally, we will need to feel useful. As entertaining as the emergency broadcast system is we will need to reach out beyond the television. We will see the reports of overrun supermarkets or how our neighbors have been killed. We picture our weapon strapped burly men dodging the zombies to bring home food. Watching television will not help our nerves. Sadly, this is still the easy road as we still have electricity. Though we may be in our heated or air conditioned homes, life as we know it will soon come to a halt.

Before it comes to the point of a food shortage, there should be a few things on hand to help with this transitional period. This is the time before the government has admitted defeat and while your home is still considered safe. I am going to give you some pointers as to what you should be preparing for during this time.

First, find a large plastic tarp or something of that nature. A tarp can provide many things before and after you go on the run. Men will be thinking of guns and weapons you need to be thinking of how to keep your Rambo style man alive. The tarp can provide a makeshift shelter while on the run and  it can act as a reservoir for collecting rain water when the 'just in case' happens. Remember you can survive longer without food than water so the more water you can collect the better. Your tarp should be set aside next to your emergency travel bags.

Second, make note of what seeds can be harvested from the food you still have. These will come in handy later when you need to relocate to a safer harbor. Go through all your perishable foods and make note of what has seeds so you know to keep them. After you collect your seeds, be sure to clean them and dry them. Once the seeds are dry label your plastic bags and keep them in a cool place. This helps keep the seeds preserved so that you can use them later.

Lastly, I am going to give you a recipe for one of the barest necessities of life… Bread. Bread is the one thing that can keep you alive at the worst of times. This should be the first of many installments on the woman’s guide to the zombie apocalypse. Please tell others and subscribe below for more helpful and completely useless information.

Basic Bread

Ingredients:
2 cups warm water. (90-110 degrees) This is important because the yeast needs to activate. Too low of water will not activate the yeast, too high will kill it.
2/3 cup sugar.
1 and ½ tablespoon active dry yeast
1 and ½ teaspoon of salt
¼ cup vegetable oil
6 cups bread flour. (regular flour will work too)


In a large bowl stir sugar, yeast and water. This will “proof” your yeast. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. You will know when it is ready when your water is foamy. Mix in the oil and the salt. This next part is the messy part. Mix in the flour one or two cups at a time. You will need to mix until the dough is about the same texture as your earlobe. Once your dough is the right texture keep on kneading. You will need to knead your dough for about ten minutes. This will help make it rise better and be fluffier.
Cover your dough with a damp dishtowel and place your dough in a warm place for about an hour or until your dough has doubled in size. Now is the time to take out your aggressions of the world on your freshly risen dough. Punch your dough like it was the zombie, I mean really beat it. Then separate your down into two separate pieces.
If you have some bread pans lying around, great, put your dough in the greased up pans. If not, never fret just try and form it as best as you can on whatever you have. Let it sit for about thirty minutes to an hour again.
If you have your electricity put your oven at 350 degrees and bake for 30 minutes. If not, find a way to cover your campfire coals and place your dough inside on a baking sheet or anything you have around and watch it.
Your bread will be done when you can knock on it and it sounds hollow.